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Emotional check-up – 5 ways to better manage your emotions

Whether you’re having a laugh with friends or getting frustrated in traffic on the way home from work, the emotional highs and lows we experience each day have a big impact on our overall well-being.

Some emotional responses are perfectly fine and appropriate to the situation. However, if you find that your emotions are over the top for the situation or you get enraged on a regular basis by things that you used to just shrug off, it might be time to get some help.

Here are few simple things you can do to help manage your emotions:

  1. Avoid your triggers – Do your best to avoid situations that trigger your frustration and anger. If running late makes you frustrated, make sure you allow yourself extra time. If there is an acquaintance or colleague who pushes your buttons and puts you into a bad mood, do your best to limit the time you have to spend with them.
  2. Take a more realistic approach – If you’re someone who aims for perfection, you probably find yourself feeling disappointed a lot of the time. Of course there is nothing wrong with challenging yourself, but if you are feeling constantly let down by your efforts, you might like to rethink your expectations. Set yourself a few smaller goals before aiming for the big milestone at the end.
  3. Focus more on you and less on everyone else – It’s human nature to compare ourselves to one another, but doing this can make you feel jealous and even embarrassed. Instead of comparing, try shifting your focus back to what you’re doing and channel that envy into a drive to improve yourself and your confidence too.
  4. Consciously regroup – While your heart beats faster and you feel an outburst coming on, make a conscious decision to stop, close your eyes, take deep breaths, and attempt to calm yourself. It sounds pretty simple but if you force yourself to stop and regroup, you’ll be amazed by the results.
  5. Change your thought process – Your emotional responses reside in your subconscious mind. This controls your emotions and is responsible for feeding your feelings to you at a conscious level. If you’re finding it difficult to consciously manage your emotions, you might consider hypnosis as a tool for reprogramming your responses. Through hypnosis you can access your subconscious mind and change your emotional response to any situation, circumstance, person or event.

 

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How ADHD can impact your child’s social life

While Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is most commonly associated with difficulties related to a child’s ability to concentrate and pay attention, ADHD can affect more than just your child’s academic performance at school. It can also impact their ability to socialise and interact with other children as well as adults. For the children themselves, this can often be the most difficult part of having ADHD.

In 2015, research indicated that ADHD was the most common mental disorder among children and adolescents and was found to have serious impacts not only on the child themselves, but their relationships with family, friends and their school.

Children with ADHD tend to lack the vital social skills that not only help them to make friends, but also form reciprocal friendships with other children. Nonstop activity, impulsiveness, and confronting or demanding actions tend to create feelings of annoyance or irritation amongst peers and often cause arguments and disagreements to occur. Children with ADHD can also appear withdrawn or not interested, and struggle to understand other people’s feelings. This all impacts a child with ADHD’s ability to initiate and develop long term friendships.  When children with ADHD do have friends, the friendships tend to be of lower quality and less stable than typical friendships between children.

If your child is struggling socially, there are a few ways in which you can try to make it easier for your child to engage and interact with others:

  • If you’ve noticed your child struggling to make friends because they often interrupt or have trouble filtering what they say, you could use role play with your child to demonstrate appropriate dialogue and turn taking.
  • If your child is losing friends, you could involve your child in a sporting group or other group activity that allows them to engage with other children that have similar interests.
  • If your child often overreacts in social situations, when it happens, ask them to explain what has upset them and then talk about how their reaction may be affecting others. This will help them to recognise their triggers and the impact their actions have on others. Discuss with them more appropriate ways to respond when they are frustrated.
  • If your child has problems with following through, particularly with group work, you could introduce tools like checklists and charts that can help them to get organised. This can help to ensure that their group doesn’t feel let down when working with them.

To learn more about how you can practically support your ADHD or ADD child, please contact us for a free initial consult.

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12 blogs of Christmas Counselling

On the first day of Christmas
my counsellor said to me:
This new trend is one to look at if you’re not a fan of flying.

On the second day of Christmas
my counsellor said to me:
Heading into Christmas party season, VR can help you to beat the bulge.

On the third day of Christmas
my counsellor said to me:
This is the 21st Century skill that instils fear in most of us.

On the fourth day of Christmas
my counsellor said to me:
This is Virtual Reality Therapy and this is how it can help you.

On the fifth day of Christmas
my counsellor said to me:
Here are some tips for a good night’s sleep.

On the sixth day of Christmas
my counsellor said to me:
How many times have you said “I can’t do that”.

On the seventh day of Christmas
my counsellor said to me:
Want to know how to lose weight easily?

On the eighth day of Christmas
my counsellor said to me:
This is why it’s important to understand how your child’s mind works.

On the ninth day of Christmas
my counsellor said to me:
These are 10 signs you have an unhealthy relationship with food.

On the tenth day of Christmas
my counsellor said to me:
There’s help for panic attacks. Here are 8 signs you’re having one and what to do.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
my counsellor said to me:
You can overcome fears and phobias.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
my counsellor said to me:
Reduce your negative self-talk and build your self-esteem.

 

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What happens when your beautiful child turns out to be human?

As a parent, are your expectations of your child’s behaviour realistic?

Finding out that you are going to have a baby is one the most profound things that will happen to you. Whether you are the mother or the father, there are so many emotions involved, so many dreams, fears and decisions. You get advice, wanted and unwanted. Your life changes forever.

As the big day get closer, we wonder what it will be like to be a parent. We dream, we build scenarios, we normally have a very specific idea of the type of parent we will and won’t be. We read, we talk, we get so knowledgeable.

new born

The actual birth is normally nothing like we thought it would be, and from then on, nothing is what we thought it would be. We become responsible for this very tiny person who is completely dependent on us, and they don’t come with an instruction manual. Most of the knowledge we have accumulated means nothing and our wonderful preconceived ideas of parenting fly out of the window.

sleepless nightOur first indication that we ended up with a human, is that when baby is born they have no logic, reason or inhibitory processes. They make their needs known by using primitive mechanisms. They sleep when they want to and not when you want them to.

As they grow older, they begin to show even more human characteristics.

They get grumpy, have bad days, adopt a disrespectful tone, or bad attitude.

We adults have them all the time, but we are adults after all. None of us are perfect, but we hold our children to a higher standard of perfection. We often expect much better behaviour and more self-control from our children than what we, as grown-ups, are able to demonstrate.

Here’s an exercise. Listen to yourself and the other adults in the home or at the office today and take note of whether anything you say or do would land you in trouble if you were the child.

  • Did you ignore your colleague, partner, child while he was talking to you?
  • Did you respond immediately to a request to do something or did you first want to finish what you were busy doing?
  • Did someone ask you to do something but you thought your priorities were more important than theirs?
  • Did you yell at someone?
  • Have you spoken with a tone of disrespect to anybody, even your children?
  • Did you slam a door, roll your eyes, or huff at another request?
  • Used bad language?
  • Was your reason for your actions “because”?

There are reasons for our actions.

We’re stressed, did not get enough sleep, we’re worried, or sick. We tend to look at the reasons behind our own behaviour and give ourselves a little grace for making mistakes. But when our kids do it, we don’t always investigate the reasons. We are the adults, and they are the “beautiful children”. It is OK to be human, but we expect better from our children.

From ages 0 to 8, the child develops a library of identifications and associations. They learn that some of these are good (positive) and some are bad (negative). These positive and negative associations become the life script of the child. It is formed from what they know, but the child does not yet know right from wrong. The identifications lead to associations which lead to emotion.

Children are very receptive between these ages. It’s during this time that their right brains are active and their left brains – which includes critical thinking – are not yet fully functional. It is during the formative years that the subconscious mind programming naturally occurs. It is how people take on limiting beliefs that sabotage their success, including the hurtful words of a tired parent or those of an educator who has lost their patience.

A child’s critical mind only starts to develop from around the age of eight, therefore whatever they hear, see, feel goes directly into the subconscious mind without analysis, and is accepted as fact. As the subconscious mind never sleeps, the amount of data that goes directly into their subconscious mind is phenomenal. In the eyes of your child, you are literally everything, and in the programmable Theta state (4-8 Hz.) whatever you tell them, their brain will record as true. So, until the age of eight, the brain is only downloading data. Your child is ‘programmed’ for his adult years during this phase of development.  It is this subconscious ‘programming’ that will run 95% of their adult life.

We expect these little children with their underdeveloped brains and limited life experiences to behave better than grown men and women. And if you don’t believe me, listen to the next presidential debate or spend some time scrolling through social media news feeds.

When you get angry, don’t just and throw out statements, don’t use humour and sarcasm that their minds take on as fact. Accept their feelings, don’t tell them what to feel. Have you ever heard yourself saying “You are just saying that because…” or “That probably happened because you…” or “You cannot be…cannot feel…” or “There is no reason to be upset”? If somebody did that to you as an adult you might feel hurt or angry, but you wouldn’t expect that response from your children.

Tune in to what your child is experiencing; they are a separate person, they are human, capable of having a different set of feelings. Neither is right or wrong.

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